Me.

So what am i about ? the last few months I’ve been trying to create a life that allows me to focus on the things i love (Fashion, Beauty and Modelling) and share them with you guys, hoping to spread some inspiration. What better way to start then my BIO, you guys can really get to know me then and follow my journey.

 

Childhood …

I’ll make it brief as not to bore you! My early life was heavily Horse, Hockey and Mental Health based.

Horses,they have been my life ever since i can remember (baby age) competing them, working with them in racing yards, training them for the races, attending racing school in Newmarket for a 9 week course. Country life was my childhood until i was 11 when we moved to a town,it was so different to growing up in more rural areas.

Hockey, i love hockey even though i don’t play anymore, i played for my school all the way through my teen years, when i was older i went on to play for my local town and won many awards, got recognised to play for the county but ended up the horse route.

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Mental Health

MAY CAUSE TRIGGERS, IF EASILY TRIGGERED PLEASE DON’T READ. I MYSELF AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, SO PLEASE THIS IS NOT A SELF DIAGNOSING ARTICLE. IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED HELP PLEASE SEEK ADVICE FROM PROFESSIONALS. 

This subject is a sensitive yet eye-opening one for me, numerous repeated traumas has led me to the life i have lived and still battle with from time to time. I will start with my diagnosis after seeking therapy and seeing many psychiatrists for a lengthy period of time (still ongoing) the diagnosis was CPTSD , BPD\DID  because of repeated traumatic events spread throughout my life. CPTSD stands for complex post traumatic stress disorder. It really is what it says, complex! Resulting from repetitive, prolonged traumatic events leading to a deformity in one’s identity and sense of self.

Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health disorder so don’t be fooled by the name borderline it’s extremely misleading. An ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. Experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days. Add this to the symptoms of CPTSD and DID and it’s so hard to see why anyone can function and live a “normal” life! But i believe we can, i am finally after seeking help, guidance and finding my partner who is so understanding life is definitely worth living.

DID, also known as Dissociative identity disorder is a severe condition in which two or more distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual. Some people describe this as an experience of possession. The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness. I myself have 6 different identities.

When in control, each personality state, or altar, may be experienced as if it has a distinct history, self-image and identity. The alters’ characteristics—including name, reported age and gender, vocabulary, general knowledge, and predominant mood—contrast with those of the primary identity. Certain circumstances or stresses can cause a particular alter to emerge. The various identities may deny knowledge of one another, be critical of one another or appear to be in open conflict.

I do still battle this from time to time but it’s minimal, I’m constantly finding exits and strategies that control it, There’s hope!!

 

Parent-life…

Yes I’m a parent but i won’t be defined by it, that’s not all i am. I have 3 children my eldest daughter is Isabelle she is at secondary school and turning into a bright, beautiful young woman with a few back chats thrown in, my son is Zac who is at primary school, is ever so kind, sensitive and hates conflict. My youngest is Lily-Mae who is also at primary school, she has such a distinctive personality and is so easy-going, loves school, she is super funny and very helpful. Each have such unique personalities and are growing into lovely individuals.

Parenting can be hard and we all have different ways to parent, doing the best we can with the circumstances that surround us. Either way we get there sometimes it’s hard, sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh and sometimes we just don’t know what to do! it’s a roller coaster of a journey but one i wouldn’t change.

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                       Lily-Mae                                           Zac                                                  Isabelle

Relationships …

Daniel, I used to think up until Daniel that the one story was just, well utter rubbish to be honest. I was settling, i wasn’t with people i could fully be me with or be truly content. The question i think is great and to ask yourself is, do you like your partner? not love but like? Can you truly say you are happy in every area to yourself? not to friends and family who ask, but to yourself? Can you be honest with yourself.

I pretended for to long it was all ok, for a long time i believed arguments and screaming was a normal relationship. Finally after learning from my mistakes i was truly honest with myself, with what i wanted from life being selfish was the best thing i had done. It gave me standards and there’s no shame in being selfish you deserve the best and to be genuinely happy, in love and life.

So who is Daniel, well he also has a child from a previous relationship, our dynamic may seem difficult with the children and different family’s involved but it just works because of the people we both are. He is a secondary school teacher of English & Drama and also head of year 8. He has worked ever so hard to get to where he is now and I’m so proud of his achievements! He also plays in a band as the drummer for an awesome group called the SEATREES !! check them out, they are fab.

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Daniel & I

 

Well, that’s my life story and now you know all you need to about me.

On a side note anyone who is struggling mental health wise, i really do hope this can help and can shed some light at the end of tunnel for you. It may seem like a never-ending dark tunnel, but with help, advice, support and some kick ass belief in yourself there is light and you deserve life!!

Vicky x